The Facebook Fish

Hello again, I submit to the Internet the 'Facebook Fish.' What is that? Well, gentle reader, let me explain:

We all know that people like to update their status, hell I do it all the time. It is a fun way to share your life with friends. Well, kinda fun, but mostly easy. Some people apparently view it as more than just sharing, and 'fish' for comments with annoyingly open and leading questions. I try not to do this, but now I'll really try (since I've bloggo-complained about it). Here are some recent examples:

"Mr X. just outdid himself making dinner!"

"Mrs X. just spent so much money at the mall!"

So it is basically a vague, declarative statement that leads you to believe something cool happened. Now why would you post this if you didn't want people to write back, "What did you make/spend??!?!?!??!" So it seems pretty lame to me, just tell us what is up - don't Facebook Fish.

Amazing

OK, it has been a while, but this is one that had to be addressed. People today tend to overuse superlatives. I try to reserve excellent, awesome, amazing, etc... for things that truly deserve those titles. Logically, only about 1-5% of whatever you're talking about should be excellent or amazing. If everything is amazing, then nothing is. These words are used to separate the regular from the positive irregular, not just to say you like something.
Nowhere is this trend more prevalent than the overuse of the word "amazing." People use this like "good'' now, especially some girls. If you want a quick way to see how badly this word is being misused, just listen to how it is pronounced. For example, "uh-MAY-zing" is pretty bad. You can bet that this is in regard to something from Finagle-A-Bagel or the like. Basically, the more butchered or drawn out the word is pronounced, the more not-amazing the subject matter will be. And just for reference, here is the definition of two the biggest offenders:

amazing (comparative more amazing, superlative most amazing)

Positive amazing

Comparative more amazing

Superlative most amazing

1. Causing wonder and amazement; possessing uniquely wonderful qualities.

unbelievable (comparative more unbelievable, superlative most unbelievable)

Positive unbelievable

Comparative more unbelievable

Superlative most unbelievable

1. Incredible; not to be believed.
   

   
   

2. Implausible or improbable.

Followup to NP!

It looks like I'm not the only one ticked off about the excessive use of Photoshop. Check out this story and the associated photojournalist pictures:

http://www.pressefotografforbundet.dk/fotografi/index.php?id=011708

That guy...

You know that expression, "That Guy." He's the one, that does that thing - you know it when you see it. Every group has that guy. Every college, office, school, class, every group has that guy who can be obnoxious. Well, I think I just found the one in our office.

He's always miserable, to the point where it is a joke - but really kinda sad. And I'm thinking this particular point of view is what makes the terrible comments flow from his mouth. Now, I may not be one to judge (as I've said lots of terrible crap) and guys say tons of gross shit all the time, but when you hear really abhorrent stuff, you gotta say something. I also think the guy who says the grosser stuff, probably has more pent up shit inside him that you don't want to know about.

So no, I'm not going to tell what he said because it is grotesque. However, my response was this, "You are a repellent human being." I was serious and killed the conversation for about 30 seconds. I may not be Rex Harrison, but I do consider myself the gentleman from time to time, and a gentleman lets the lesser of us know what isn't acceptable.

Am I so out of touch?

No. No, it's the children who are wrong.

That is the first thing I thought of when i read this article by George Will. I agree people should be able to dress up without everyone saying, "Why are you so dressed up?" I went through a period in high school and college where I never wore jeans, very "preppy." People always asked me in college, "Why are you so dressed up?" I replied haughtily, "This isn't dressed up." I still don't think anything without a tie is dressed up, but I digress...

In this article Will goes after jeans as if it is some betrayal of the worker roots of jeans. Well, isn't it a little late for that? Fashion has owned denim for 30 years, so brace for craziness. And to further my point, aren't pants themselves a workers garment that has now be perverted into "dress" pants? I mean when people where toiling away in the fields of the 1700s all the dandies in Vienna were wearing powdered wigs and silk stockings, not pants! So take that George. Shit changes, you get older, more shit changes . That is the way the world works for everyone.

And another thing, leave gamers alone! I love my video games - especially the violent ones!

No Photoshop!

NP!

That is what I say about the current state of magazines and photography! No to Photoshopping! In fact, I'd really like to start a standard that magazines, photographers, advertisers, web content creators, and regular people can adhere to and display a little NP! logo in the corner of each photograph the indicate to the public that no Photoshopping was done to this picture. Here is why in no specific order:

1) Photoshopping has become so ubiquitous in magazines that all the random Maxim girls et al have started to look alike. Their faces and bodies are manipulated so much where their differences and imperfections (which is what makes them special) are completely gone. This and the editing being based on some undefined ideal makes them all trend towards one look. So in this respect it hurts the model.

2) In respect to the customer I think the effect on men and women is different. For both it creates an unrealistic view of women. This isn't unrealistic just because they are particularly beautiful, but unrealistic because their bodies have been digitally altered. So not only are the women (and men) already exceptional, we've gone ahead to make them surpass reality. What does this do to the customer? Well, men start to have an unrealistic expectation of what a beautiful woman is. If a woman ever has a blemish compared to the eerily flawless skin on a Photoshopped model, that is a strike against her. And the man will never find anyone who measures up to this standard. The other side is with women. They already have enough pressure to be beautiful and skinny, more than men can understand, but with the advent of Photoshopping now they are held to an impossibly high standard. So men want something that doesn't exist and women want to be something that doesn't exist = no one is happy with themselves!

- note - This could certainly be switched for men and women as well - women unhappy with the looks of men and men unhappy with their looks, but generally this isn't the case in society.

3) Photographer - A great photographer can transform someone using light, settings, background, and motivation. With no tweaking, anyone can see why photographers are considered artists (at least good ones) rather than just picture-takers. Once that photo is sent for editing, however, it compromises the work of the artist. The creation of the artist is then pinched and pulled to look a certain way - one that isn't what the artist created. The next step is why take a picture at all - or to go back to #1 - why use a model at all? You could just create a woman in Photoshop to start - like Jessica Rabbit here.

4) Hair & Makeup - I happen to believe that hair and makeup people are artists too, however they are probably the weakest argument against Photoshopping I have. Since they can drastically change the looks of people - to the point where they don't look like the same person w/o makeup - similarities can be drawn between them and the Photoshoppers. However, since they are working with an actual person and can create a particular look using the personal features of a particular human, I think they have merit. Their work can make a model come to life or a photo shoot/scene great and they are creators that are perhaps overlooked. When photos are edited by Photoshop, they can easily overshadow the work of the hair and makeup people. Photoshop is powerful enough when makeup and hair can be completely changed within the program, obviating the need for hair and makeup all together.

So the next questions is who benefits from this? Why has Photoshopping risen to be so ubiquitous? Well, first off - people like pretty things. You can see what people like and have a preference for, and edit pictures so they'll really like them. In turn, this will make everyone else compete for the same limited audience, and Photoshop images as well. Also, since most of these images are sold to or commissioned by someone who is selling the image in a large format, that is what really drives this phenomena.

The buyer of the picture who puts the photo on the cover of Vogue wants a perfect picture. Everyone competing for that slot knows that, so the photo is perfected by any means necessary. Now the effects of such work are detailed above, but I don't think Anna Wintour cares or perhaps she has a fractured view of what really is beautiful.
So what to do? Make a standard - the NP! Standard. There will have to be collaboration between the entire photography supply chain, but it can be done. Personally, I think models to consumers will be happier with the product. People will react when they see a logo knowing that the woman/man on the cover of Maxim/Vanity Fair actually looks like that - and I think the reaction will be good. We may realize that an odd freckle, the stretch mark, or a blemish is something people can relate to and is a proof that, they too, are human.

Dead Word: Gourmet

I can't stand the use of this word. It has been overused so much it's use is almost a signal of an opposite of intent. For example, TGIFriday's Gourmet Grill. Nothing at TGIF is gourmet. How about Nutrisystem gourmet options - frozen diet food isn't gourmet. Now, whenever I hear gourmet I'm braced for it being used to hype some crap food-product and tricking less-than-knowledgeable eaters into thinking their food is better than it is.
So what, you may ask, is gourmet? Thomas Keller is gourmet, Ming Tsai is gourmet, homemade chicken soup with actual chicken and carrots is gourmet. Anything that is advertised as gourmet is almost certainly not. Just by the virtue (?) of being advertised that kills it. So next time you have a great dinner, don't say it was gourmet - because you are now using a dead word.

Firsts and Lasts

I noticed in recent times that there is a interesting little phenomenon that happens at cocktail parties, receptions, or anywhere with hors d'oeuvres on trays. Actually, there are two interesting things that happen:

1) No one ever wants to take the last of something.

2) Depending on the crowd, people are sometimes hesitant to take the first one.

Why is this? Well, for #1 you may say that it's cold, or not fresh, or whatever, but I'm going to go deeper. I propose (with no evidence!) that it is an evolutionary trait to not eat the last of something. The last of something probably spoiled in the bad ol' days, so there was an evolutionary pressure against those brave souls that ate the last of those mammoth canapes. It is probably simpler, that people don't want to look like gluttons, but really - gluttons? Americans don't want to look like gluttons? Too late.

I do think that is what keeps people from diving into those spanikopita being passed early in the evening. They don't want to look like some food-crazed maniac. Of course, if you get a bunch of people who are admittedly so, then you start to feel bad for the servers. At a cocktail party last year servers didn't get more than two feet from the kitchen before an army of old, rich, foodies practically gummed them to death.

So what is the solution? If you want some, get some. Don't worry about decorum and get yourself that last crab cake.

New word - Slips

Slips are people, or rather a name for certain people. These are people (I've done it from time to time) that don't hold or push open the door after they walk through it. However, they've had the door held for them, or it is closing and they'll "slip" through the door whilst not moving any limbs in order to hold it for the person behind them. So this person has had the door opened for them, then they give a little "fuck you" to the person behind them as the slip through the door, letting is close right before you get there.

I'm sure they don't mean to do it, they never look over their shoulder to check for another person behind them (unlike yours truly), they just buzz right through. I would have hoped these people realize they work/live/play in a city and, due to the population density, it is our responsibility to make life just a little bit nicer for those around us. This goes back to my old saying of people like this on the T who don't move into the middle of the car: You're either stupid or inconsiderate.

Esquire Magazine - you suck.

So I've had a subscription to Esquire magazine for about a year.  Actually, I think it should be over, but they keep sending it anyway.  I subscribed because I thought that Maxim really started to suck as well - unfortunately, so does Esquire.  Here are a couple of examples:

Cultural Relevance:  They recently interviewed John Goodman for this life lessons.

Funny:  They have segment called "A funny joke from a beautiful woman."  In this case the woman is usually some regular magazine fodder that is forgettabley beautiful and photo shopped into ubiquity.  The joke is guaranteed to be lame and not at all funny, the type starting with "Two grandmas are in a bar..." or something like that.

Style:  This is supposed to be their expertise, but I find it is weak as well.  For example, they continually push $1,000 plus jackets (not unusual for men's magazines, but annoying nonetheless).  Another example was their style advice column.  Someone wrote in looking for a modestly priced watch that they can wear forever.  Here is what they suggested - the Casio G-Shock.  Although it is a fine watch, the asker was definitely looking for a less sporty, but decently priced, classic watch.  My suggestion would be the Seiko Arctura - under 1k for a watch, well made, and cool but not overly stylish.  Maybe the Cotura too.

Actual stories: They profiled Fox News's Shepard Smith.  No magazine should give Fox News any credibility by calling taking anyone on that network seriously, especially one that endorsed Obama.  

I think Men's magazines are getting crushed by the net - why get a magazine when you can just find a melange of articles on the net.  Now to get a table PC for the bathroom...

I weep for the future

This makes me sad, but there are some points to be made by this sign on a Philadelphia Burger King:

1) This is the type of company you keep when you visit this (or any other) BK Lounge.

2) Although it is spelled "Meat," what you are eating at BK should be classified as something else all together.

3) Be happy with your life, because you could be writing signs for BK when they are out of letus.

On Holding the Elevator...

So every morning I step into an elevator bank for my office building. There are four elevators in that bank, and as people proceed through the security gate, there are two questions that arise:

1) Is it worth it to rush through the security gate, up to the elevator and make eye contact with one of its occupants to have them hold it open?

2) If I'm inside, is it worth it to hold open the door for other people coming towards the elevator?

After some thought, the answer is definitely, "no" and here is why...

In a bank of four elevators, holding the door does several things:

1) Keeps you from your destination by delaying your elevator departure.

2) Makes you wait for another person to get into the elevator.

3) Increases the chances of an additional stop on the elevator.

4) Delays you enough so that you may have to hold it for another person, thus bringing you back to issue 2 & 3.

If you are the person going to the elevator, it still isn't worth it. Just wait for the first one to go, and then get another elevator with less people and less stops!

The argument against this is that it's impolite to close the door, but when you step back and think - it is much more practical to keep the elevators moving and have people get where they are going fast. If you have one elevator in your building though, this may not apply. In that case, I don't have any advice.

So next time you are alone in an office elevator and see someone coming, waiving at you to hold the door, press the close button.

Atheism: Let's Party!

To those that know me, the know that I think religion is not only mostly crap, but a negative force in the world. Recently, some of the Atheist/Agnostic crowd has started to come out of the closet just a tad and I think that is a good thing. The person who is leading the charge is pictured here - Tiffany Patterson, just kidding - it is Richard Dawkins. He's a geneticist and vehement atheist. He and others have pointed out that about 20% of the US country is "non-religious" but we have no representation. That 20% is more than blacks, Jews, Hispanics, farmers, or just about any other special interest group. I don't know for certain if there is or is not a god, but I don't surrender my reason when asking big questions about life either. In turn, the only reasonable conclusion that I can come to, is there probably isn't a god. Furthermore, we shouldn't live our lives afraid of how some mystical man in the sky might judge our deeds.

I dig what Atheism is selling, and how their doing it is pretty funny as well. If you want to see how ridiculous some religions get, check out Religious. Google video has is hosted for free here.

The Terminator

First off, Happy New Year everyone. All right, let's get down to business...

The new phrase is Terminator. A Terminator is a type of person that, when in social settings, constantly terminates conversations. I don't know if they do this deliberately, but my suspicion is it's subconscious and the side-effect of poor social graces. Now, I'm no master of the segue, but I can keep a conversation going and hopefully interesting. A Terminator can really kill a conversation, but usually there is someone to offset their impact on a group conversation. When you are faced with a Terminator alone, you better be John Connor and start running. Here is a classic example

Person A: "I read an article that said if you cook only with foods from the outside areas of a grocery store, you'll eat better."
Terminator: "I don't cook."

Another classic Terminator line is, "That's funny." However, the usage of this is important. If people are laughing when that is said, it is OK and you don't have a terminator on your hands. If they say, "That's funny" and look at you with a listless stare, you have a Terminator in your midst.

There is only one way to deal with Terminators, and that is to pull that microchip out of their head and destroy, oh wait... that is the other Terminator. For this type of Terminator, you'll have two choices:

1) Engage them. This means asking about their job, their family, their outfit, and boring stuff like the weather. It may break them down, or just get you through the conversation.
2) Run. Smile, nod, move on to another individual to whom you'd like to converse with.