Dead Word: Gourmet

I can't stand the use of this word. It has been overused so much it's use is almost a signal of an opposite of intent. For example, TGIFriday's Gourmet Grill. Nothing at TGIF is gourmet. How about Nutrisystem gourmet options - frozen diet food isn't gourmet. Now, whenever I hear gourmet I'm braced for it being used to hype some crap food-product and tricking less-than-knowledgeable eaters into thinking their food is better than it is.
So what, you may ask, is gourmet? Thomas Keller is gourmet, Ming Tsai is gourmet, homemade chicken soup with actual chicken and carrots is gourmet. Anything that is advertised as gourmet is almost certainly not. Just by the virtue (?) of being advertised that kills it. So next time you have a great dinner, don't say it was gourmet - because you are now using a dead word.

Firsts and Lasts

I noticed in recent times that there is a interesting little phenomenon that happens at cocktail parties, receptions, or anywhere with hors d'oeuvres on trays. Actually, there are two interesting things that happen:

1) No one ever wants to take the last of something.

2) Depending on the crowd, people are sometimes hesitant to take the first one.

Why is this? Well, for #1 you may say that it's cold, or not fresh, or whatever, but I'm going to go deeper. I propose (with no evidence!) that it is an evolutionary trait to not eat the last of something. The last of something probably spoiled in the bad ol' days, so there was an evolutionary pressure against those brave souls that ate the last of those mammoth canapes. It is probably simpler, that people don't want to look like gluttons, but really - gluttons? Americans don't want to look like gluttons? Too late.

I do think that is what keeps people from diving into those spanikopita being passed early in the evening. They don't want to look like some food-crazed maniac. Of course, if you get a bunch of people who are admittedly so, then you start to feel bad for the servers. At a cocktail party last year servers didn't get more than two feet from the kitchen before an army of old, rich, foodies practically gummed them to death.

So what is the solution? If you want some, get some. Don't worry about decorum and get yourself that last crab cake.

New word - Slips

Slips are people, or rather a name for certain people. These are people (I've done it from time to time) that don't hold or push open the door after they walk through it. However, they've had the door held for them, or it is closing and they'll "slip" through the door whilst not moving any limbs in order to hold it for the person behind them. So this person has had the door opened for them, then they give a little "fuck you" to the person behind them as the slip through the door, letting is close right before you get there.

I'm sure they don't mean to do it, they never look over their shoulder to check for another person behind them (unlike yours truly), they just buzz right through. I would have hoped these people realize they work/live/play in a city and, due to the population density, it is our responsibility to make life just a little bit nicer for those around us. This goes back to my old saying of people like this on the T who don't move into the middle of the car: You're either stupid or inconsiderate.

Esquire Magazine - you suck.

So I've had a subscription to Esquire magazine for about a year.  Actually, I think it should be over, but they keep sending it anyway.  I subscribed because I thought that Maxim really started to suck as well - unfortunately, so does Esquire.  Here are a couple of examples:

Cultural Relevance:  They recently interviewed John Goodman for this life lessons.

Funny:  They have segment called "A funny joke from a beautiful woman."  In this case the woman is usually some regular magazine fodder that is forgettabley beautiful and photo shopped into ubiquity.  The joke is guaranteed to be lame and not at all funny, the type starting with "Two grandmas are in a bar..." or something like that.

Style:  This is supposed to be their expertise, but I find it is weak as well.  For example, they continually push $1,000 plus jackets (not unusual for men's magazines, but annoying nonetheless).  Another example was their style advice column.  Someone wrote in looking for a modestly priced watch that they can wear forever.  Here is what they suggested - the Casio G-Shock.  Although it is a fine watch, the asker was definitely looking for a less sporty, but decently priced, classic watch.  My suggestion would be the Seiko Arctura - under 1k for a watch, well made, and cool but not overly stylish.  Maybe the Cotura too.

Actual stories: They profiled Fox News's Shepard Smith.  No magazine should give Fox News any credibility by calling taking anyone on that network seriously, especially one that endorsed Obama.  

I think Men's magazines are getting crushed by the net - why get a magazine when you can just find a melange of articles on the net.  Now to get a table PC for the bathroom...

I weep for the future

This makes me sad, but there are some points to be made by this sign on a Philadelphia Burger King:

1) This is the type of company you keep when you visit this (or any other) BK Lounge.

2) Although it is spelled "Meat," what you are eating at BK should be classified as something else all together.

3) Be happy with your life, because you could be writing signs for BK when they are out of letus.

On Holding the Elevator...

So every morning I step into an elevator bank for my office building. There are four elevators in that bank, and as people proceed through the security gate, there are two questions that arise:

1) Is it worth it to rush through the security gate, up to the elevator and make eye contact with one of its occupants to have them hold it open?

2) If I'm inside, is it worth it to hold open the door for other people coming towards the elevator?

After some thought, the answer is definitely, "no" and here is why...

In a bank of four elevators, holding the door does several things:

1) Keeps you from your destination by delaying your elevator departure.

2) Makes you wait for another person to get into the elevator.

3) Increases the chances of an additional stop on the elevator.

4) Delays you enough so that you may have to hold it for another person, thus bringing you back to issue 2 & 3.

If you are the person going to the elevator, it still isn't worth it. Just wait for the first one to go, and then get another elevator with less people and less stops!

The argument against this is that it's impolite to close the door, but when you step back and think - it is much more practical to keep the elevators moving and have people get where they are going fast. If you have one elevator in your building though, this may not apply. In that case, I don't have any advice.

So next time you are alone in an office elevator and see someone coming, waiving at you to hold the door, press the close button.

Atheism: Let's Party!

To those that know me, the know that I think religion is not only mostly crap, but a negative force in the world. Recently, some of the Atheist/Agnostic crowd has started to come out of the closet just a tad and I think that is a good thing. The person who is leading the charge is pictured here - Tiffany Patterson, just kidding - it is Richard Dawkins. He's a geneticist and vehement atheist. He and others have pointed out that about 20% of the US country is "non-religious" but we have no representation. That 20% is more than blacks, Jews, Hispanics, farmers, or just about any other special interest group. I don't know for certain if there is or is not a god, but I don't surrender my reason when asking big questions about life either. In turn, the only reasonable conclusion that I can come to, is there probably isn't a god. Furthermore, we shouldn't live our lives afraid of how some mystical man in the sky might judge our deeds.

I dig what Atheism is selling, and how their doing it is pretty funny as well. If you want to see how ridiculous some religions get, check out Religious. Google video has is hosted for free here.